One thing that really upsets me is when people talk smack about
teenagers. They talk about how lazy today’s teenagers are, how entitled, how
disrespectful, how unmotivated. They wonder aloud how I can hang out with
teenagers all day, how I don’t get sick of their attitudes. And I realize this:
They don’t know teenagers.
Yeah, they might know that one teenager next door, the one with
the loud car, the one that slams his doors late at night and revs his engine
early in the morning. They might know a niece or a nephew who, as a baby and a
preschooler and a child, adored them, but whose eyes don’t even lift off
the screen of their iPhone in acknowledgment now.
They might know, even, their own child, their own teenager, and
they might make generalizations about a whole society of teenagers based on the
attitudes and behaviors of the one under their roof.
But me? I get to spend 7 hours a day with teenagers. I read
their writing. I hear their conversations. I watch them live out their school
days, and while some of these kids might not talk to their parents, most of
them will talk with me.
This is what they are saying: We wish adults wouldn’t
belittle us. We wish they wouldn’t underestimate us. We wish they would talk to us, not talk down to us.
Last year I asked my students what they wished adults knew about
them. Many of their responses were similar and began like this: “I wish my
parents would quit yelling at me and just talk with me. I wish they’d say they are worried rather than act like they are angry. I wish they’d let me be
independent, make some bad decisions, live with the consequences.” Many, too, wished their parents would let them quit some of the sports and clubs and let them have a little down time, but that's a blog post for another day.
This is the deal: Teenagers are not mini-adults
and they are not just big kids–not most of
the time, anyway. They are “Almost Adults,” and they are figuring out what they
think about things, what they believe, who they want to be, how they want to
live their lives. Many are realizing that the world is big–that they have vast
options before them–and that the world is small– that ultimately, anywhere in
the world you go, most people want the same things: love, health,
friendship, a life of meaning.
When kids are growing into this “Almost Adulthood?” They can be
surly. They can be dramatic. They might push you away when what they really
want is a hug. They’ll challenge you. They’ll call you on the carpet, usually
at a really inopportune moment.
They can be infuriating, for sure.
I have days when some of my students leave me shaking my head,
wondering if they’ll ever become productive adults. On these days I remember
what my mom could probably refer to as my “Whatever Stage,” when every
interaction ended in that word, broken into two words, given life with my bad
attitude: “What. Ever,” and I think “Well, I turned out okay, after all. There
is hope for these kids.” And my mom still loves me, so there's that.
But even on those days
in the classroom with teenagers, the really downright tough ones? The ones when
I want to go home and cry? When I close the door on those days?
I still love teenagers. And you should know this: I’ve
got their backs when adults talk smack.
